Skip McCaulkener and Princess Cinnamon figure out the pros and woes of supporting a dirty-minded genius.

 

 

Dear Fake Life Coaches,

I’m a proud grandmother to three lovely children, ages 8, 11, and 16. The teenager Josh (such a sweet, strong boy) asked if I would teach him to sew. Heavens, was I excited! My little sweetie pie proved to be quite the budding tailor. His topstitch is topnotch. Two months into our lessons, he joined my quilting club and all my friends absolutely loved him. My oh my, what a fast learner.

Then he announced he wanted to start his own online business, making modern stuffed animals and bedspreads. The club didn’t hesitate. I loaned him $5,000, Dot gave him her spare sewing machine and Edna donated yards of spare fabric. Well, his trendy designs have been so popular that he’s paid us all back and has doubled his college fund. Doubled it! My daughter is positively bursting with pride.

My brother Charles, on the other hand, pulled me aside in confidence and said Josh’s products are really quite naughty. Turns out, what I thought were nifty hidden pockets are actually textured holes for…I can’t even say it. I’d like to think Charles is wrong about my respectable sweet Joshiekins, but the pocket locations on the studded rhinos are very suspicious. Should I say something to my religious daughter and possibly start a family war, or do I encourage the boy’s extreme talent and pretend he’s not catering to perverts?

 

Signed, Squeamishly Proud in South Carolina

 

Skip

I think this calls for intense product testing. The kid might need legal advice. What’s his website? Are the rhinos gender specific? Never mind. I’d do either. What about Pokemons? Is he into anime?

 

Cinnamon

Ms. Squeamishly Proud, I always encourage my students to dream big and I suggest their parents offer support. Sounds like Josh is motivated, talented, and has vision. If he were doing something illegal or catering to criminals, I’d say you had a problem.

 

 

 

Skip

The fact I don’t have one of these custom bedspreads is a problem. So many hidden pockets. So many designs and ribbed fabrics. Holy dockets, is that a stuffed Hornworm Caterpillar?

 

Cinnamon

Josh is focused on working hard and getting an education, which is big for a sixteen-year-old. His forward-thinking attitude should be celebrated.

 

 

 

Skip

Check out the craftsmanship on the velociraptor. The teeth look ruggedly soft.

 

Cinnamon

I say as long as he’s not breaking the law, hurting himself, or hurting anyone else, there’s nothing wrong with going against the grain and helping people get their kink on.

 

 

 

Skip

It’s true, and Cinnamon would know. She renounced her royalty and took her own path—middle school teacher by day, Cinnamon Sass the dancer by night. She even altered her evening gowns for her act down at the Hot Potato.

 

Cinnamon

Let me tell ya, adding Velcro to silk and taffeta is almost as difficult as paying off student loans on a teacher’s salary. But back to Josh. The conversation with his mother is both his responsibility and his choice. Wouldn’t you agree, Skip?

 

 

 

Skip

Hold on, I’m keying in my credit card details.

 

Cinnamon

If you feel guilty, Ms. Squeamishly Proud, for keeping this naughty secret from your daughter, you should have a frank conversation with Josh. He may have bigger plans after college.

 

 

 

Skip

He’d better not quit this. Talk about a niche market.

 

Cinnamon

Either way, Josh needs to know how you feel, and he needs your love and support on this journey.

 

 

 

Skip

Does he also need a business partner? I’ve got some killer ideas.

 

Cinnamon

Good luck, Ms. Squeamishly Proud. Your grandchildren are blessed to have such a thoughtful grandmother.

 

 

 

Skip

Has Josh considered soft-sided briefcases? Gym duffels?

 

Cinnamon

I hear sirens. Someone could be injured.

 

 

 

Skip

What? Where?